


Desire

by Selah



Series: The Red Thread of Fate [1]
Category: Jrock, the GazettE
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:11:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3525320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selah/pseuds/Selah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uruha has a secret that's making him crazy. If only admitting feelings could be as easy as posing with his guitar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desire

**Author's Note:**

> Another old import from back when I was writing a lot more than I have been lately. Though it could be read for just about any time period, the original intention was a 2006-ish setting.

They had been dancing around the subject for years now, Uruha and Aoi. If only admitting feelings could be as easy as posing with his guitar.

Uruha knew that, for his part, he was just about ready to give up on romance entirely. Dating women never ended well, from what he had experienced. The ones who wanted nothing from him beyond what time he could spare them quickly bored him. The ones that wanted more than he had to give got tired of him always spending so much time with the band. And trying to date men hadn't gone any better, having to field all the same complaints while having to hide that he was even in a relationship at all. 

He wasn't like Ruki, he couldn't just make do with a steady stream of ever-changing fans, meaningless sex with girls (and boys) whose names he couldn't remember. Worse than that, really, he had come to the realization that half his apathy towards his dates stemmed from the fact that a piece of his heart was already claimed.

Oh he had tried to deny it at first, tried to write it off as just a phase. A passing fancy. Except it hadn't gone away. The years had only made his attraction more intense, his feelings deeper. It made fanservice both easier and torturesome at the same time. And worse, Aoi didn't seem to even notice. Or maybe he did but didn't feel the same way, didn't know how to tell him there could never be any hope for them.

In a way, it was both funny and terribly sad. Here he was, someone who had no problems making a complete idiot of himself for money, and yet he couldn't face his own feelings. It wasn't like he became shy around Aoi, far from it, but this one thing, this one topic, he just couldn't face. And he felt completely ridiculous for it.

“You still haven't told him yet, have you?”

Uruha felt himself practically jumping out of his skin at the sound of Reita's voice. Spinning around, he swatted his best friend's arm with a huff.

“Don't do that! You practically gave me a heart attack, you ass!”

“Honestly, Kou, would you just tell him already? This dance you two have been doing is just absurd. I'm getting embarrassed for you both.”

“It's not that easy, Akira,” Uruha sighed, wishing it really could be so simple. How nice it would be if he really could just pull Aoi aside and confess everything to him. But if he did that, the chance at hope would be forever lost. Surely it was better to cling to hope, however faint, than to dash it completely on the jagged rocks of reality.

“Of course it is. You suck it up, stop being a pussy, and tell him how you feel,” Reita rumbled, smirking. “It ain't rocket science, Kouyou. Besides, the way you keep mooning, he probably already knows how you feel.”

“Shut up, I do not _moon_ over anyone, asshole,” Uruha grumbled right back. He certainly hadn't been mooning over Aoi while they were doing setup for their next live.

“Tell him tonight or I'm telling everyone at breakfast tomorrow morning.”

“... you wouldn't.”

“Try me.” Uruha bit his lip; the way Reita was looking at him, the challenging spark in his friend's eyes.... He'd do it, he'd tell the whole band just like that. Bastard.

“Fine, you asshole. But after the live, all right?” It would make him nervous and jittery through the whole show, but at least there wouldn't have to be such tension between the two of them during a live. If things ended up going badly later, well, at least they would have time to work out some sort of solution.

 

Of course it was easy to say he would talk to Aoi after the concert, rather harder to actually manage it. First there was the usual routine of showers and changed clothes. Then dinner together with the whole band and a handful of staff. Then everyone piling into a van to go to the next city. And while Uruha had managed to end up on the back bench with Aoi , in their van was hardly the most appropriate place for a serious conversation about his feelings.

“Get some rest, Uru-chan,” Aoi mumbled at him, the older man trying to find a comfortable position. A quick glance forward showed that his bandmates and their manager were already asleep, leaving only the driver at the front, the two of them at the back.

“I'll rest later,” Uruha mumbled, tugging his sleepy bandmate closer. Aoi was perhaps too tired to care that he was snuggling up to Uruha. Certainly the blond wasn't going to remind him, carding fingers through black strands as he felt his friend fall into sleep. He almost didn't want them to get to the next city, though of course it was inevitable. But at least he could have the illusion of Aoi's affections until they did. And that much more time to himself to think about how he was going to make his confession to the older guitarist.

Uruha still hadn't made any real decisions when they reached the hotel. As much as he didn't want to disturb the sleeping man, he couldn't very well carry Aoi up to their hotel room.

“Come on, Aoi-kun, up we come. There's a hotel bed waiting for you.”

“Dun wanna room with Ruki again,” Aoi grumbled. “He snores when he's got a cold.”

“Just you and me tonight, Aoi-kun,” Uruha murmured, having managed at least that much. Aoi huffed, but he let himself be pushed upright, managed to shuffle zombie-like into the hotel. If it took a little more effort than usual for Uruha to steer his friend up to their hotel room, well, it wasn't the first time. But if Aoi was this out of it, there was no hope in being able to discuss anything, let alone something of importance. So Uruha set aside his own promise, focusing instead on getting Aoi into pajamas, even going so far as to tuck him in. A perhaps slightly useless gesture since there was only one bed and he would be disturbing those blankets himself once he was changed into his own pajamas. He didn't let himself read anything into the fact that, once he was in bed, Aoi immediately rolled over to be closer to him. People did all sorts of strange things while they were asleep, Aoi probably just wanted to be closer to a warm body. If he wasn't having one of his dreams where he thought Uruha was a woman. Uruha also refused to think about how nice it felt to have someone curled up beside him. Too long since his last serious attempt at dating, obviously, if he was feeling so lonely.

Morning came entirely too early, but then he had known it would. Touring was no time to get a decent night's sleep, unless they were catching a day off between shows.

“Uru-chan ... we need to talk.”

That couldn't be a good sign. The fact that Aoi was already offering him coffee meant there was serious business ahead. At least the other man was still in pajamas so Uruha didn't feel quite so badly like he was out of control, out of his element. But the silence that was now coating the room, the way Aoi just sat there in his chair, watching Uruha while he tried to drink enough coffee to offset the lack of sleep ... it was unnerving, to say the least.

“So....,” Uruha finally conceded, setting aside his coffee cup, “what do you want to talk about?”

Another moment of silence that felt impossibly long and then Aoi was setting down his own coffee. A beat, a deep breath, and then the older man was prowling forward, crawling up onto the bed and straight for Uruha. Maybe ... maybe he was actually still asleep? He liked that thought, especially as Aoi kept moving forward, settling into his lap.

“If you're not going to say anything, I will,” Aoi murmured, sitting so close Uruha could feel his breath ghosting over his lips. “Never would've pegged you as the shy type.”

He tried to sputter out a question for clarification, but before he could do more than string a couple of syllables together, Aoi was kissing him. _Aoi_ was _kissing_ him. His brain slammed to a halt for a breathless moment and then he was moaning softly, fingers burrowing into dark strands to hold Aoi close, keeping him right there. He'd been wanting to do this for so long....

And then Aoi was pulling free, nipping at his lower lip as he did so, chuckling even. “What the hell were you drinking last night?”

“Hey, I didn't ask you to kiss me,” Uruha mock protested, but he couldn't help the grin curving his lips. “So what does this mean for us?”

“It means that you,” and Aoi reached up to tug a lock of blond, “need to get your ass in the shower. And brush your teeth or I'm not kissing you again.”

That wasn't what Uruha had meant, but it was enough to tell him that Aoi only really had sex on the brain. If Aoi just wanted a sort of friends with benefits type of relationship, well ... it wasn't ideal, but he could learn to adjust. Had to, right? If this was the only way he could have Aoi, then that was better than losing him completely.

**Author's Note:**

> This was intended to be the first in a series of fics, but then Life got in the way. With all the other writing (and general LIFE things) going on in my life at this point, I don't know that I'll ever get back to this, so this may well be all there is.


End file.
